OKAY, WAIT, JUST LET ME
GET SERIOUS FOR A MINUTE.

HELLO.

TODAY, WE’RE GONNA TALK
ABOUT MARY DYER.

MARY DYER
AND HER HUSBAND WILLIAM

MOVED TO MASSACHUSETTS
FROM ENGLAND,

AND THEY WERE QUAKERS,
WHICH IS MORE LIBERAL PURITANS.

SO WILLIAM AND MARY
ARE LIKE,

THIS IS [bleep] FUN
AND GREAT.

THE PURITANS ARE THE PEOPLE
THAT SETTLED NEW ENGLAND

IN THE 1600s.

PURITANS WERE LIKE,
THE BIBLE IS THE WORD OF GOD.

LIKE, LITERALLY GOD DICTATED
SOME NOTES TO HIS SECRETARY.

MARY WAS JUST LIKE,

I’VE GOT A LITTLE BIT
OF A DIFFERENT TAKE ON IT.

HEY, YOU KNOW, THIS THING
THE HOLY SPIRIT

WE KEEP HEARING ABOUT?

THAT’S WITHIN YOU.

OH, MY GOD,
THE HOLY SPIRIT IS RIGHT HERE?

YEAH, YOU CAN
JUST TALK TO IT.

OH, MY GOD,
HEY, HOLY SPIRIT.

WHAT SHE’S DOING IS ILLEGAL.

THERE IS NO SEPARATION
OF CHURCH AND STATE.

SO THE GUYS THAT RAN
NEW ENGLAND WERE LIKE,

NO.
NO, NO, NO.

DON’T GO JUST SAYING, “OH,
HERE’S MY INTERPRETATION OF IT,”

AND HAVE WOMEN OVER
FOR TEA.

NO, YOU’RE UNDERMINING
THE WHOLE THING.

OKAY, SO MARY WAS BANISHED.

SHE’S LIKE,
FINE, NO BIG DEAL.

BANISH ME.
I’M GOING TO RHODE ISLAND.

AND WHAT I WANT
IS EVERYONE TO UNDERSTAND

IS WHAT MARY [bleep] DID
TO THE PURITAN DUDES.

SHE FREAKED THEIR DICKS OFF,
OKAY?

• [laughing] WHAT?
• BECAUSE YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND.

THEY’RE LIKE, UM,
DIDN’T WE TELL YOU TO LEAVE?

SHE’S LIKE,
UH, YEAH, YOU DID,

BUT I’M NOT TRYING
TO BE A DICK,

BUT I’M COMING BACK
TO ASK YOU,

CAN YOU PLEASE JUST HAVE–

YOU DON’T HAVE TO, LIKE,
BE INTO IT,

BUT CAN YOU PLEASE
HAVE RELIGIOUS TOLERANCE?

AND THEY’RE LIKE, NO.
WE’RE GONNA [bleep] KILL YOU.

WE’RE GONNA STRANGLE YOU,
NOOSE YOU.

WHAT DO YOU CALL THAT?
KILL YOU.

KILL YOURSELF.
MURDER YOU.

GALLOWS.

• SHE’S GONNA GET HUNG.
• MARY WAS GONNA GET HUNG.

SO SHE’S WALKING WITH A GUY
TO THE GALLOWS.

AND THEY LITERALLY–
THE NOOSE IS AROUND HER NECK.

AND THEY WERE LIKE, MARY,

IF YOU PROMISE TO LEAVE
MASSACHUSETTS BAY COLONY

AND NEVER COME BACK,
YOU CAN GO.

AND SHE WAS LIKE, OKAY.

AND THEY WERE LIKE,
ALL RIGHT.

THEY TAKE THE ROPE OFF
AROUND HER NECK,

AND THEY LET HER GO.

MARY DID AN AMAZING THING.

OH!

DO YOU THINK
I SHOULD GET UP?

MARY DYER COMES BACK
TO MASSACHUSETTS AND SAYS,

I’M GONNA DEAL WITH THESE LAWS
TO THEIR BLOODY FACE.

OR I’M GONNA BLOODY DEAL
WITH THESE LAWS

IN THE FACE.

IN OTHER WORDS,

I’M CONFRONTING THIS [bleep]

HEAD-[bleep]-ON.

HONESTLY,
LAYING ON THE FLOOR LIKE THIS

IS ONE OF THE BEST TIMES
I’VE HAD IN A LONG TIME.

SO MARY–SHE’S VISITING
QUAKERS IN PRISON.

THEY WERE LIKE,
THANK YOU, MARY, FOR COMING,

‘CAUSE WE GET THAT YOU GET
WHAT WE’RE GOING THROUGH.

SHE’S LIKE, TOTALLY.

SO THE COMMONWEALTH
OF MASSACHUSETTS

WAS LIKE,
STOP VISITING PRISONERS.

STOP ACTING LIKE
IT’S OKAY.

WE GOTTA [bleep] KILL YOU.

SO HE WALKED HER
TO THE GALLOWS

ON BOSTON COMMON
IN 1660.

AND THEY PUT THE NOOSE
AROUND HER NECK.

SO SHE HAD THE ROPE
AROUND HER NECK,

LIKE, ABOUT TO DIE.

SHE SAID,
NO EAR CAN HEAR,

NO TONGUE CAN TASTE,

NO HEART CAN UNDERSTAND…

THE JOY–

SOMETHING LIKE, THE JOY–

[bleep].
I DON’T [bleep] KNOW.

THE JOY AND THE TREASURES
OF THE BLESSINGS

AND THE REFRESHMENTS.

I DON’T GET WHAT THAT IS.

BUT THE REFRESHMENTS OF GOD

THAT I HAVE,
STARTING RIGHT THIS [bleep] NOW.

♪ ♪

EVERYONE’S WATCHING.
THEY’RE LIKE,

OH, MY GOD.
WE’RE ON THE BOSTON COMMON.

WE’RE ON–
WATCHING SOMEONE DIE.

THAT’S YOUR PROBLEM
FOR BEING A SICK [bleep].

AND THEN KING CHARLES
WAS LIKE,

EXCUSE ME, WHAT THE [bleep]
IS EVERYONE DOING

OVER AT MASSACHUSETTS?

I DIDN’T SAY THIS [bleep]
SHOULD GET SO CRAZY.

DON’T KILL PEOPLE.

THAT MAKES YOU LOOK MORE
LIKE A PUSSY,

IF YOU DIDN’T KNOW,
BY THE WAY, DUDES.

BUT SHE CHANGED THE WORLD.

BUT YOU’LL NEVER HEAR ABOUT IT
ANYWHERE BUT HERE.

• WELL, NOW–
• [crying]
  SHE’S IN AN UNMARKED GRAVE

ON THE BOSTON COMMON.

AND YOU KNOW WHOSE GRAVE
IS MARKED?

[bleep] JIM MORRISON.

PEOPLE FLY TO EUROPE
TO SEE IT.

AND HE WROTE HORRIBLE MUSIC.